R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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