AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
