I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Operation Purity has been aborted
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
