I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
