Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
