so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
