I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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