Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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