her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
