I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
