Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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