I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
home. puking in laundry basket.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
