they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
