Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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