You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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