I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
