Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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