I'm lost and stupid without you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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