I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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