how can u be prego again
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
