He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
