There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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