I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
NoShamevember. You game?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
