Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
