if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
