OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
