im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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