Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
