I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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