I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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