I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
