I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
