Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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