I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
