Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
