i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
