I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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