You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
