i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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