Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
