Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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