So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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