I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
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