god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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