i was born a porn star she said
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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