Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Randomize
