i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
