Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
