you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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