So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
