youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
