my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
