I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
