What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
