Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
