Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
