Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
