so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
