My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
