sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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