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• (707): View more from California

  Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.

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• (903): View more from Texas

  I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"

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• (646): View more from New York

  we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..

  (219): View more from Indiana

  you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.

  (646): View more from New York

  nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills

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• (707): View more from California

  Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...

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• (305): View more from Florida

  I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.

  (1-251): View more from Alabama

  It was totally the lead singer.

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• (631): View more from New York

  She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.

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