You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
