Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
